Tesla Roadster Going 0-60 In 0.81 Seconds Is The Most Boring Thing It Can Do

Tonight, Tesla debuted the new Roadster by driving it up a vertical ramp that then went horizontal. Then, it repeated the feat but drove off of the ramp and used thrusters to flip itself over and make a controlled landing on the ground. After that, it did a barrel roll over the rest of the Tesla lineup and again landed without issue on the ground. Then, it did 0-60 mph in 0.81 seconds according to Tesla. All of that sounds amazing, and indeed, watching it happen was pretty spectacular, but boy do we have a lot to unpack.

It's been nearly a decade since Tesla first showed us the Roadster. The company unveiled what it's simply calling the Roadster. Not Roadster 2.0, not CyberRoadster, just Roadster, as if it's a direct successor to the original Tesla. 

In terms of design, it's quite a bit different from the car we saw in 2017. Rather than be a somewhat curvaceous sports car, it's considerably more angular. If a Cybertruck and a Lamborghini Reventon had a runt of a baby, this would be that car. Still, at this stage, we're still just touching on what we saw and what it looks like. Let's dive into the figures a bit.

Let's get some of the boring-ish stuff out of the way first. According to Tesla, the car will use steer-by -wire, brake-by-wire, and throttle-by-wire tech. Expect that braking system to be Brembo's Sensify and the steering and throttle to be the same as what we've seen in the Cybertruck. The rear spoiler can adjust downforce dynamically based on what's happening to the car in real time and features both a high and low downforce mode. We reported on that and the suction fans last week. 

Speaking of that, we've seen cars that sucked before. The McMurtry Sperling was the first car ever to be driven upside down, and it did it well over a year ago. We've never seen one that could do that and then drive off into mid-air, flip itself over, and land without drama. According to Tesla, the Roadster pulls that off thanks to its collaboration with SpaceX. 

Tesla

Fans underneath the car provide up to 2Gs of downforce while it's standing still. Then, 10 cold-gas thrusters enable it to maneuver in mid-air. Those thrusters use ultra-high-pressure air from a pair of 600-liter tanks onboard. According to Elon Musk, this is everyday atmospheric air, so the car can replenish itself as one drives around.

Those same thrusters evidently let the car literally rocket — I can't believe I'm writing this — from 0-60 mph in under a second. Tesla claims that the demo it did tonight achieved a 0.81-second sprint to that speed. And here's where things start to get a little dim for Tesla lovers: evidently, what we saw wasn't a production car, but yet another concept. In fact, fans will have to wait until 2028 for production to begin. The team on stage literally used the phrases "for real" and "actually," seemingly because they realize how much of a letdown that timeline is. 

There's no question that this demonstration was cool. What's less cool is that we still don't know so much about a car that's been shown off twice over nearly a decade. Tesla didn't mention range, horsepower, motor configuration, driven wheels (though it's almost certainly all four), battery capacity,  factory location, production capacity, initial markets, or the general timeline between now and production starting.

Tesla's website says there will be three trims: Performance, Thrust, and Rocket. The Performance requires a $50,000 deposit. The Thrust, the one needed to hit the supposed sub-1-second 0-60 time, costs $250,000. The Rocket — the one that can fly — is a single-seat version of the car and is "Invite Only".

It didn't mention reservation holders, when they could expect to configure their cars, or how order positions would be handled. What happens to people who held reservations on the previous car?

In short, this was a spectacular demonstration with a ton of genuinely impressive things that are hard to handwave away as if they aren't real accomplishments. That said, putting on a show and putting a car in someone's driveway are two very different accomplishments. After nearly nine years, the least boring thing it can do now is show up on its new timeline.