Watch Skynet Go Online In A Self-Parking 2017 BMW 5 Series

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say, the road to driver’s hell is surely paved with convenience. Just check out this video from the Bimmerpost forum.

What you’re looking at is footage of the 2017 BMW 5 Series parallel-parking itself, as many tech-centric luxury sedans have learned to do over the past several years. But this one requires no driver intervention whatsoever.

Watch as the driver of a new 540i pulls up next to a spot, engages the system, and then does… absolutely nothing. No shifting into or out of reverse, no modulating the gas or brakes, certainly no turning of the steering wheel. Nothing. The system takes care of all of it for you.

Of course, in order for this all to work, everything needs to be run by wire: the steering, the brakes, the throttle… everything. And if this type of system is to proliferate from the so-called “Ultimate Driving Machine” into other cars, that’ll mean the end of the direct mechanical linkages that driving enthusiasts treasure.

More than what’s taking place inside the car, though, is what’s going on inside our heads, underneath those tinfoil hats. Because at the rate at which these systems are progressing, it’s only a matter of time before we’re asked to take our hands off the wheel (and our foot off the pedals) altogether, and precluded from ever putting them back. The future, in short, looks convenient… for vehicle occupants, not as drivers.


  • Six_Tymes

    lazy azzes rejoice! lol

  • pureworx

    if you cant parallel park you shouldn’t be driving.

    • EliG

      Especially in a spot that big. I would like to see how small of a spot the car can park in. Will it Austin Powers itself to get parked?

  • The pleasure of driving is something that needs to be preserved for the future generations of cars and drivers.

    • Status

      But there is no pleasure in driving anymore. There are too many people on the road, and too few of them drive defensively. Far better to use roads as simply conduits rather than racetracks as some idiots do.

      • EliG

        There are still plenty of backroads to drive on that can be enjoyed.

        • Status

          And you think those are free from terrible drivers?

          • EliG

            Well they certainly a lot more empty. Sounds like you would be better off in a self driving car if you actually think that you can’t drive anywhere and enjoy it. Even driving on busy roads can be enjoyable, having to pay attention and be on the ready to avoid idiots is fun.

  • Bash

    I think its cool… would love to have or see that feature in any car..

    • alexxx

      dont blink,it will happen in no time…

  • gfurry

    How is this different than a ford from 5 years ago? If the difference it you don’t need to touch the pedals then who are the warning sensors warning? Why make beeps to alert the driver if the driver isn’t doing anything?

    • TheHake

      Or VW 11 years ago…

      • Carenthusiast

        This is different to Ford from 5yrs ago & VW from 11yrs ago because here the vehicle controls the brake, acceleration & gears (from R to D) too. The driver has to press and hold the ‘parking switch’ till parking is completed. BMW introduced this parking feature couple of years ago so this isn’t the first time. I’m sure Mercs and other luxury manufacturers may do similar thing.

    • Arminius JP

      I speculate that the beeps are needed to make the occupants aware that the parking manoeuvre is still in progress, thereby making it less likely that they become litigants in some multi-million dollar suit following injury as they exit the car before it comes to rest.

  • TheHake

    With the title of the article, I was kinda expecting the Bimmer to attack the Audi in front…

  • TheBelltower

    My lowly little 2015 i3 does this. It’s a useless feature.

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